Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
