I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
