her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
