careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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