My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
