I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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