Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
is wine microwaveable?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
