i just google imaged poop.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
