I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize