The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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