a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
