when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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