my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there was a trapeze. enough said
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
