i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
