The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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