I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
