Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
