apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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