Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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