have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
