I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
