the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
