Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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