i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
