im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
