i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
