he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
