Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
