textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
