you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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