Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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