i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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