I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize