He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
