Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
