Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
