There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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