Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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