My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
soo... how was my night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
