My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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