What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You are the jesus of drinking
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
