My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
