So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
