This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
