Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
