so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
