If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
