i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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