No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
