That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
