saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
