So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
