Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize