Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
