I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
