sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
