Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize