We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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