dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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