I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
