I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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