If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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