Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
