I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
