hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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