Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
