I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
