apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you win again, gameday.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
