i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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