I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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