Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
