He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
