I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize