we're blogging at a bar
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
