I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize